Into the Open
I came out of the writer’s closet a couple of months ago. You see, for a long time I kept my writing secret from everyone outside of my family, and even they weren’t allowed to read it. After a couple of years, when I had to explain why I was going to writing conferences, I told a couple of close friends, or more accurately I muttered something vague about writing romantic fanfiction, and they very kindly didn’t laugh at me. I didn’t even tell people in my real life when I self-published my books. Meantime, thousands of complete strangers I’d met on-line knew all about this important part of my life.
The first crack in the shell came when Sourcebooks wanted to buy my books, and they tracked me down at my office. Unfortunately, by the time the puzzled receptionist had passed it off to the office manager after insisting that nobody in the office wrote books, it was all over. Faced with a line of very amused faces the next time I showed up to work, all of whom wanted to know why this was the first they’d ever heard about it, I was mortified and said something about romantic scenes and being private.
But by the time my books were showing up in bookstores, I knew the jig was up. Even then I resisted telling people except in very select circles, mostly because it was tricky to tell people I knew well that I had this secret life. Finally this autumn I realized I couldn’t keep it up, and once I decided to tell everybody, I wanted to get it over with. So I posted it this on my real-life Facebook page (as opposed to my writer page):
Okay, for those who haven’t heard, I’m coming out of the writer’s closet. Yes, I write novels. Yes, they’re published, under the pen name Abigail Reynolds. Yes, I’ve been keeping this a deep dark secret for years because I’m ridiculously touchy about my writing, but it’s getting kind of silly to keep hoping nobody I know sees me when I’m doing a book signing, so here I am. 🙂
Everyone was, of course, more pleased and excited than I’d anticipated. The part I hadn’t expected is how many old friends I heard from who were also closet writers, and I’d had no idea! I’d thought I was just being odd, but it seems like it’s really quite common. At a NaNoWriMo write-in, I ran into a woman I used to work with, and neither of us knew the other one wrote.
What is it about writing that makes us act like we have some terrible, shameful secret? After all, as hobbies go, it’s harmless, cheap, and doesn’t need feeding or walks. I’m tempted to say it’s non-addictive, but of course that isn’t true – writing is one of the most addictive things around. But it’s made me very curious about why other writers keep mum as well. Any thoughts?
Not only is that an interesting question, but it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one out here who has this as a secret! I’ve told only one person because I needed to explain what I was doing with my free time.
I guess I keep it secret because it’s hard to explain about the romance thing, which is not considered serious writing to many people, and I guess I’m not prepared to have anyone read it whom I have to look in the eye day after day. Besides, it’s a joyful escape for me when I’m really into it, and I fear that aspect of it might somehow be spoiled if I reveal it and expectations of one sort or another then arose as a result.
Also, I suppose there could be an aspect of “tooting one’s own horn” to it. I mean it’s ingrained in us to not brag or appear to brag (In the U.S. at least), and so that caution is always in play when it comes to announcing things about yourself to people. Especially when your announcement would seem to proclaim that you think you have talent enough to put words to paper, and that you spend a lot of your time doing it.
I think Laura has nailed it. It’s one thing to open yourself up to criticism from the unnamed masses but to have to endure it from those you see everyday is another thing entirely. I am contending with this very same issue right now, on the verge of self-publishing my first book. I want people to read it but only a very few, select people from my immediate circle know about it. There is a self-publishing stigma to contend with as well as a fan fiction one. Besides, I feel like the book is my child and am inclined to shelter it. It is very reassuring to know how your “coming out” was received, particularly as it was your books, specifically, that inspired me to write my own.
Abigail, I just had to laugh (with empathy) as I recently read this. I, too, kept my writing a secret for a long time, and I still don’t tell everyone. At first, when I dabbled in writing for the online sites, even my husband didn’t know. I had to fess up when the computer broke and he didn’t seem to be in any hurry to fix it. “What do you need the computer for? You can check your email at work.” Yikes. Because I am writing a story… While word has gradually leaked out (my husband was the first to ‘out’ me), I still feel that sense of awkwardness. It really reached a peak recently when a group of ladies wanted to read one of my books for their book club. I know every single lady in this group! I was so nervous! I think one of the main reasons is that our genre is to a certain type of person who has this absolute love of Jane Austen, and not everybody gets that. I know a few of the ladies in this book club enjoyed the book, but I have a feeling some were going, “I don’t get it.” Anyway, I identified totally with this and thought it was so funny when you said you hoped you wouldn’t see anyone you knew at your book signing. That was priceless!
Abigail,
Thank you for sharing your struggle with us. I am in the process of writing my first JAFF what if book. I’m relatively new to the whole JAFF scene, but have been an avid JA fan for 15 years, I told my husband what I was up to, because he is used to my writing (I’m a freelance script writer) but had to explain what fan fiction was, and what an amazing following it had–especially for Jane Austen. My son, who works at a viral marketing agency (internet marketing) overheard our conversation, told me that I needed to get a blog going so people could follow my process and hopefully build a fan base. He made me get a Twitter account and lastly, he made me “out” myself on my personal Facebook page. I cringed because I felt like I was exposing myself to everyone–moles on my butt and all. So, with my son pushing me, I briefly told everyone what I was up to and posted a link to my blog in case anyone was interested. I got a lot of positive feedback and a few people are following me–although I’m only 2 weeks into it.
I look so forward to reading your books. I have only read 4 JAFF books so far, and Amazon is very pleased with me these days, because I just keep on ordering more.
Keep up your work and thank you again for sharing with fellow writers.